I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
