I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
