so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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