I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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