Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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