Will you blow on my dice?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
