If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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