we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
