In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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