Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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