My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Vodka?
Forever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
