So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
