God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
