people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
