I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
