Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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