I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
