were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
