i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
