Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
