Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
