Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
