You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
