How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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