so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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