You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
