He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
