It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize