dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sarcasm needs its own font
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
