I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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