giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i came on her dog
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
