You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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