The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
