i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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