Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
