I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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