At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
