I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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