I'm going to jail i love you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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