Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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