we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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