dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize