You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
