butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
