so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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