The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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