I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
