Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
