I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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