I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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