McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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