I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize