you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
