I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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