It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
