Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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