i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
