Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
