I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
