whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
