Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
