I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
