Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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