This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
