I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
