I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
