I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
