my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
